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Showing posts from 2013


I write about each year at the end of that year, what the year has given me.  In that sense 2013 was sometimes a lot of emotional chaos and sometimes very unusual than any kind of chaos.Until I was married I wrote about me, but now I can not imagine me without him. But for this post I would write just about me.
For me this year started on a very unstable note. I wasn't sure what was going to happen tomorrow. Will things turn out the way I want them be? I wasn't really positive about things turning out the way I wanted them to, and they really didn't turn out the way I wanted. I had to believe that there is something better in store for me. Only that thought could make me move.
The days got tougher. I got depressed every other day. Just the thought of the amount of work that needs to be done on each front made me depressed. But then they were days when I thought why was I even depressed? What wrong is happening? I laughed at myself and moved on. But then the cycle returned.

We don't curse him anymore

When I and Sravan were in Florida, we got our portrait made. The dramatic artist who made it and his expressions when doing the piece were so impressive, I really thought a really great art was in the making. "Could you show me your ear rings and your hair, oh yeah that's perfect".  And I did all that he asked with so enthusiasm, you won't believe.

When we got to see the portrait, I was like are you sure this is done. I tried hard to hide my disappointment because that guy was so excited, I didn't want to hurt him. An art is an art is an art.

We have in put up in our home. Won't hurt. Friends who visit, can't believe its us. There were jokes around it. We laughed with them. Quiet honestly I was laughing at the artist. Few curses were added to the joke in a flow.

Then comes the nephew, hardly 30 months young. As a norm we asked even him if he recognizes the people in the portrait, he takes one good and quick look at it and says "Sravan babai and china…


The consequences of jetlag
You find yourself eyes wide open and awake at 3 AM.
You clean the entire home before you mom wakes up.
When you mom wakes up at 6 AM you make  sure you do everything to make you seem normal and not some mentally challenged person who is just roaming around the home from 1 AM.
Though you are in India, you think twice before calling anyone in India because you think its too late for them.
You have 6 courses of meal a day. 3 for each timezone.

Humor, such a necessity!

It was my sister's wedding last month and it was the most beautiful wedding I've even been to. Everything was so perfect.
Everyone in the family tried to do everything they can to make it so. One certain morning, Sravan went to get mango leaves to decorate the home for the event that was going to happen that day. Something strung him when he was bending the branch, the pain stayed with him for few minutes and as he says the pain started crawling all over his arm. When he returned home, everyone in the family got hysterical and I was dumbstruck. All kept suggesting me to take him to hospital right away. I had no other choice but to oblige, but if it was left to me I would have waited for some more time and then taken action. I didn't talk to him, neither did he. I was kind irritated with him not being little careful and everyone else for pushing me, coming with me would help. But nope they didn't even bother to ask. Take your phone someone called out. I said I don't…

I have so much to do

I am kind-of feeling disappointed with me for everything little thing.  I don't think I am reaching the expectations that I have set for myself. I don't make breakfast everyday for the husband, I think I should be up and ready to help with he is busy getting ready to office, I am lazy when doing the dishes or cleaning or the laundry. I have no idea what can I do to make me happy When it comes to school work, I do have loads to do sometimes. But with the habit of constant procrastination until the neck of the moment I don't do stuff. I feel so frustrated when at the end of the day I see nothing being accomplished by me. I also think my life is walking, nope, running backwards.

I feel like going to gym regularly, workout, to be fit. I don't do it. I wanted to start driving. I didn't yet. And I can't count the number of hours, days, years, and rupees I spent in learning guitar with no progress at all. And I can't say I know guitar yet. I am so hopeless when it…

In an illusion that I have nothing to write

I'm not blogging at all. I realized that I do have, but somehow I feel every topic I want to write about will end with something related to marriage. I don't want to write anything that put things up for judgement by random people. Therefore I kind of stopped writing. The reason I started this blog was for me. So I think making this closed with access only to me will keep the blog alive.

Ellen DeGeneres!

I love this woman!
She is 50 something,  dances better than a 20 something! Need I say more? Nope. Watch this!

Stress. It's good.

Well, sometimes.
Do you have something in your life, to avoid which you would do anything? like, may be go to another planet and to a different planet from there (just to lose the trail incase it was following you)if you know that's going to help? I have quite a handful of them and yet the more I try to avoid that road, things just turn out miraculously and there I'm doing exactly what I avoided, for whatever reason, to do. There was one that topped the list and I'm definitely not surprised to announce that I stroke it off.
I gave some certain examinations way back in 2006. I wasn't ready though, for things that might follow. I thought I'd be lost, I was sure I cannot(bold that and color it red) do it. What? me? I said to myself, and when I got a job I was so relieved. Now and then my family broached the topic and I very smartly sometimes not very smartly pushed the topic far far away.
 Guess what, I am right here, right now doing what I avoided doing so much. I fo…

Nothing is fair

Nobody is compelled to do things fair. By the way who is anyone to decide what is fair and what's not?  What goes around, comes around. Really? Has anyone thought about this. What good you give do you  really get that good back. nope. What bad you give do you get that bad back nope. Is everything predefined and set out in stone. If yes, then what we do, how we react shouldn't have no effect on what is going to happen next. no? But if nothing is predefined, what is destiny?
I've been taking Game of Thrones pretty seriously. Seriously. All my favorite characters are put to sleep and very ruthlessly. People who are good, who try to be honest most of the times and true to what they do, not killing or harming anyone unless they are compelled to do so, all such people are dead.
All this had made me question life in general. I got so many questions back as answers.


I am for most days every week. It's one part of the body or the other which plans to given up on me every now and then.
From the head to big toe almost every part of me have thrown tantrums and now it's the back bone and its quite severe.
We had an doctor appointment which I postponed(lazy me couldn't get up early to get ready) and now the earliest we could find is after two weeks.
I write this post laying flat on the bed and not sure what is going to start to ache by the time I finish this post. Excuse me, pulling a pillow.
10 minutes later. I had to think of a strategy to pull the pillow nearer to my head without straining my backbone. All that just took 10 mins.
I plan to write all day today. Yes I plan to but I am not sure if I can truly adhere to it.( already have second thoughts about it and a plan to sleep)


Dear Journal

Dear Journal,
I know I am supposed to be writing about the chapters which are going to be discussed in today's class but I'm sorry I cannot contribute anything today.
By which I mean to say I can , I just don't want to. I mean I can write about lot of other things but not about today's lecture or the topics that would be discussed today.
I have a very bad allergy and it is hard for me to blink without sneezing leave along blinking, thinking,reading and writing along with sneezing. All my energies are now focused on giving out a full blown sneeze because otherwise my nose aches when I try to suppress the sneeze. So no matter where I am I try to give my 100% when it comes to sneezing. I wish I will be able to sneeze enough in the class today, enough to make my professor say "oh poor girl why don't you go home and don't have to come to the next class too."

P.S. Just for the heck of it.

Benefit of Doubt

How often do you give someone benefit of doubt. Does it depend on your perception of that person? What if that someone is a stranger?
I giving benefit of people depending on what I think of them. If they are worth it or not. I did sometimes give benefit of doubt to lot of people every though they went beyond the threshold. I thought they still deserved some. And for some, I didn't, though they are worth it.

We were at movies recently, that being the first show of the movie, the theatre was almost full and had only limited seating available. There were two seats adjacent seats in the bottom but one row. I stood by the empty seats trying to contemplate the situation. Should we go for the next show or should we sit in good single seats in different rows. We decided we would sit together and turned to the seats I was standing by. I saw a sweatshirt spread across the two seats. I asked the lady, is there someone here, and she said yes, sorry. We left that spot wondering why didn't …

Critical Crucial April

Critical, Crucial doesn't do enough justice to all that is going on in this April.
A month or so now from today, I will know what the rest of this year is going to be like and what the future holds. That being the most critical part, there are a million other small things that are going to wrap up this month, well, almost wrap up.
I want the things to be in certain way and things to work out. And therefore just the thoughts bring nervous chill, my head aches of the fear and exasperation, my heart pounds.
The reason I wanted to write it down inspite of having an impending examination and presentations (on of the reason why my heart pounds) in next few hours, because I want to check back this when things figure out.


P.S. I wish I wasn't thinking. Thinking the thing just next to impossible for me. Well, let the things be.

Realization and let me know!

I am going to make this quick because I need to go pack for the weekend trip.
So I realized while folding my clothes and watching "The New Adventures of Old Christine", the reason why my writing was deteriorating, according to my standards. I better put it down. These actions weren't instrumental in making me realize. I realized that though I blog I really don't want to write everything out there, so in an effort to be honest to myself and yet to not really put down everything, the post at the end is turning out to be awkward.
Therefore I'm doing this. I'm letting my blog open to only few people. Sorry.
Just in case you want to visit let me know. Comment me your email address(I'm not going to publish those comments)

Happy Weekend!

Delusionally happy.

There was one particular email address of mine, actually three of them which I'm not using anymore, I last used them around '08 or '07 I guess.  So I was working on retrieving passwords. There is x email address which has the recovery email address as y. So when I want to change password because I obviously can't remember the password of email x, the email was going to y. And ofcourse I don't remember the password of y. All this because I don't remember the netbanking password of the bank which has x as the email address. I once wrote down all the passwords and lost that paper. Anyho, I finally figured out the way out. Each mailbox had around 4k emails. My OCD has urged me to cleanup and therefore I did, at the end of which, I found very clean inboxes and also that I was delusional.

For starters, I usually ended the sentence with "Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee........"for every person who has graduated from the level, stranger. Don't miss the "…

After just this one thing, I won't want anything.

From more than an year, all things are so going my way. Touchwood. I checked quite a few milestone off my list. Touchwood again. Well, not all, I've never won a game of monopoly and am still not. Putting that aside, I got married, I got good scores which helped me get into a good university, the same one as my sister's. There are more. When I think of it all this making me more greedy.The more I get the more I want.
The other day, I didn't prepare for my mid term examination and I didn't want to go to school. There was a warning about a storm looming the state. For a day, I religiously followed all weather channels, prayed for the school to close. I said to myself again, for the nth time, just this one thing and I don't, won't want anything.  Just hours before the school starts I saw the alert on the school's website. "The classes are cancelled" I was so very happy. The professor did mail about having a Take at home version of the exam. What? no! …

Being a non-meatarian..

is tough in this mean world.
I wanted to blog. With no ideas' stream strong enough to flow I  close the browser and move to FB. Then I move to the husband's FB( Yeah, I check his FB, sometimes. No, I'm lying, I actually check it everyday more than mine :D He does have some interesting friends who post some interesting things to read). I read a certain person's status "It been 11 years since I turned vegetarian..." And there you go I got the topic to write.
I turned vegetarian around July in 1997. My parents were not very happy, my mother tried to tempt me with some very delicious dishes couple of times. But I didn't budge. They didn't want their kid to do something like that at such young age.In the beginning I didn't share the reason with anyone. I thought they wouldn't get the severity of the situation that made a 12 year old vow to not eat meat ever again. In the recent years, I've been sharing the reason. I go on like this.. "so..…

Happy Valentine's day!

I always remind my husband the month-anniversary(couldn't find a better word) of our wedding day.
Me: Today is 15th
Him: mmm
Me: Today is 15th, remember 15th
Him: Yeah! (very skeptically) Should we celebrate?
Me: nothing just reminding you.

He did send me flowers and gifts for the first few months and then, I think, he thought that is good enough for the rest of the year.

He never misses gifting me on valentine's day. But because we are married now and now that we are together and that the mission is accomplished, I thought this day is just going to go normal.

He came on 13th evening with surprises. We had a lovely time sipping champagne with strawberries and chocolates and watching chick flick. He couldn't take the chick flick part for too long so we switched to Batman.

On 14th morning, I found jewelry arranged beautifully on the table. I loved it! It was such a pleasant thing to see first thing in the morning.

Well I think this proves we are still not the husband and the…

Relationships and Conflicts.

I get an ice cream and eat all of it. Get another one and eat all of it and this continues until the sight of that particular ice cream irritates me. As I keep eating, there are not very good thing about the ice which I come across. But after few iterations of this, the bad just overtakes the good and I see just the bad and don't want any of it inspite of the good.Though lame, I wished to start with this story because, I feel the same about few people and the relation we share, and hence somewhere down the lane I sever the relation.
I paused for five minutes and invested a good amount of time to think through this, have I made any new friends in the last few years. Acquaintance? Yes, millions (metaphorically expressing), Friends? Nope. And when I come to think of this, the last good good friend I made was in 2007 (or was it in 2010?) It is not that I didn't get chances or meet people worthy of spending time with, it's just that my experiences have blocked me from taking th…

Excuse me, I have a schedule to follow

I always believed in doing things in systematic and planned way. So when I was at school, and when the exams were in the near future, I used to draw a schedule. Read this subject today, eat for so and so minutes, sleep at so and so time, take a break for some x minutes at some y time. After drawing the schedule, comes the time to practice. So, the next moment,  I try to see my time table, it says time to sleep or break. I scratch my head and think of making amendments. But I don't, I go on a break, I keep checking on the watch to see if the break is over.Now, something comes up. I seriously don't know why everything seems to be important when I need to study. Why does the universe conspire against me? I once sat with my grandmother and learnt all the names of our ancestors she could remember. When it's time to read a particular subject, it either turns out to be the one which I have already read or the one which is the last exam and there are so many subjects I haven't…

Lesson to Practice

1 AM, couldn't sleep and I get hungry. I could no longer try to fall asleep.
I go to the kitchen, heat the left over dinner, eat, wash it down with water and get back to the task of falling asleep.

3 AM, couldn't sleep and I get hungry again, I could no longer try falling asleep.
I go to the kitchen, fill a glass to the brim with milk, drink it and get back to the task of falling asleep.

4:20 AM, couldn't sleep, and I get hungry(nothing new), I could......
I don't go to kitchen, because there is nothing that interests me enough to have the dinner for the third time on the same night.

As I couldn't fall asleep( with a hungry stomach it is beyond impossible), I think of solutions if I face this predicament again. I think I'll get my favorite food and freeze them. Whenever I'm hungry and awake during owl-active-time, I'll eat them. There can't be any better win win situation. I'm so proud of myself.



it was until someone mentioned, hey that's a cute snow-boy. Actually it really wasn't even a 'boy', it was more like an infant or because he is standing up may be a toddler.
We partied until 4:30 AM on new year's eve. Woke up to the new year to find a bright day even more brighter with the snow around.We got in our snow gear went downstairs and got this snow cutie ready. It was exciting and I'm looking forward to make a bigger one as soon as we have enough snow around. This time it was just few inches and we had to scrap the snow to build one this big.
We went out every now and then, corrected the hat, checked the twigs and also looked around if any kid is messing with our boy. Four days later, the snow around has melted, the grass is green and our snow-boy.. Well. So long.